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为了帮助大家高效备考GRE,新东方在线GRE频道为大家带来GRE写作4分作文点评,希望对大家GRE备考有所帮助。更多精彩尽请关注新东方在线GRE频道!
Argument 3.
The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.
"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
学生习作正文:
The Central Plaza owner contributes the loose of business to the increase of skateboarding in the the plaza and predicts that the prohibit of skateboarding help the plaza return to its previous high level. To furthersupport his idea, he provides the fact that lose of population as well as dramatic increase in litter and vandalism as skateboarding increase. However, a careful examination of his claim and facts shows that the reasoning and prediction are unconvincing. More information should be provided and some factors should be ruled out in order to strengthen his claims.
点评:
1.什么是 loose of business?我书读得少,你分析给我听听呗。别告诉我你仅仅是不想用decrease这个“low”词所以才自创这个表达?还loose呢,这是要“loose”的节奏吗?同学请洁身自爱!(请自行音译loose)
2.To further support his idea, he provides the fact that lose of population as well as dramatic increase in litter and vandalism as skateboarding increase.
我没看错吧,我知道我眼瞎,但是,你居然用了that,你居然敢用that,你给我在that后面这个从句里找出个谓语动作出来给我看看!
另外,从that开始到这个句子结束,实在看不懂。
3. lose of population?人家原文是lose of popularity,你一下就变成lose of popularity!你把这些人这么着了?
To begin with, the fact that the decrease in population and the increase in skateboarding does not necessarily prove any causal relationship between the two, nor does it mean the latter one causes the former one. There could be other facts that also lead to the lose of population. Perhaps a more competitive plaza opens near Central Plaza, which attracts people to shop in the new one; or perhaps a great amount of people move to a newly developed town so that the people who go to Central Plaza go shopping in their new town. Without considering other reasons which cause the decrease in population, it is unfair to contribute it to the rise in skateboarding.
Similarly, the coexistance of littering and saktebording does not indicate that it is the people who have skateboard who leave litters and destructions every where in the plaza. If there is no investigation on whehter it is skateboarders or other kinds og people such as little kids or unscrupulous teenagers who do bad to the plaza, conclusion cannot be drawn that dramatic littering and vandalism is caused by skateboarders.
点评:
4. “that从句”,再来一次,that从句后面有谓语动作吗?没有就不要用。
5. other facts?你举得例子要举facts?既然是facts,你就只能用原文的第一句话,这是逻辑上唯一可用的facts!
6. 又来了!这两个who用得真是...让人无语凝噎。
On top of that, even if people who go skateboarding alone loweer the level and reduce the business of Central Plaza, the prohibit of skateboarder does not promise an improvement both in the bessiness as well as the plaza quality. Because of the desctruction resulted from unprohibited skateboard, people might have already abandoned the palza as their best choice for shopping so that even if the plaza returns to what it originally is, people continue to comsume in the alternative shopping malls. Thus, they would not return to benefit the business owners.
点评:
7. 自创词这么多都可以给英文词典大换血了。
8. 其实我没有标注8,我只是想在这里说句真心话:虽然GRE不是很重视语言,但是语言错误太多也会影响语义理解的好吗?看到你这么多语法错误(我挑的只是冰山一角)我都不忍心看你写的issue,我就不说你高中英语老师教的多好了,还是多看看英文原版书籍把,就酱紫。
我为什么在这里跟你说知心话,而不是在最后说,因为一般来讲说在最后的话都要有点客套话,给你点希望什么的!你懂!
All in all, the owner of he Central Plaza store is rife with holes and assumptions. further survey should be introduced to discover the real cause of their lost business and more comprehensive prediction should be considered about their future business.
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